Proper Wedding Etiquette…Who Pays for What?

Working out a budget for your wedding is one of the first things that should be done once the date is set. When it comes time to pay for a wedding, some people are traditionalists who expect the bride’s family to pay for everything even at a wedding castle.

What you will find as you get started that there are many areas during your wedding planning that wedding etiquette will come into play.
Here is  list of what you could call proper wedding etiquette topics that you might need to consider while planning for the big day.

• Wedding Etiquette Invitations,
• Wedding Gift Etiquette,
• Wedding Invitation Wording Etiquette,
• Wedding Reception, Etiquette,
• Wedding Guest Etiquette,
• Wedding Etiquette Gifts,
• Wedding Announcement Etiquette,
• Wedding Ceremony Etiquette,
• Wedding Etiquette Toast,

You get my point, every part of your wedding will have some etiquette or tradition attach to it. In days gone by when daughters had dowries, it was the bride’s family that was expected to shoulder the majority of the wedding  Talk about sexist.  The groom’s family used to get away relatively scot free except for the expenses directly relating to the groom and the requisite gratuities for the officiator and other service providers.   The groom’s family had only to show up and enjoy the party that was paid for by the bride’s father.  It was a way that originated when fathers were required to send their daughters off to her new life in style.

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The other extreme is modernists rationalizing that the bride and groom are already grown-ups that should be able to pay for everything themselves.
Today’s modern couples are usually adults who have been living together and have established careers and homes of their own, These couples usually pay for a lot of the wedding themselves, Sometimes they accept contributions for specific items from one or both sets of parents.

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These days it is not uncommon to have the couple agree to have the bride’s family help out with the reception or if they are really lucky to pay for it outright. Some brides families even contribute or pay for some of the larger expenses like the wedding dress, the flowers and the photographer.

Some brides like to pay for their own wedding dress so that they do not feel influenced by any parents.  Often the bride’s mother specifically wants to pay for this important wedding piece to be involved with the selection and build up for the big special day.

It is the groom’s family that is responsible for the entertainment portion of the nuptuals including beverages that will be served, a Disc Jockey or band, ceremony music, and the day’s transportation.

Often all the other many myriad of miscellaneous incidentals, including decorations, accessories and wedding favors, fall under the responsibility of the bride and groom themselves.In the end, there is no absolute rule and expectations vary with what the financial situation is of those involved. As with any part of marriage, frank and honest discussions and expectations need to be discussed in the early planning stages of the wedding. This is crucial because as a wedding couple if you are not going to get a helping hand from either sets of parents your budget will be smaller and your options limited.

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As hard as those conversations may be to initiate, once the budget is known and the participants themselves have committed, then the rest of the planning stage can be spent trying to figure out how to stay within budget.

Another suggestion is to stipulate early in the conversation that although you the wedding couple really really appreciate any financial contribution, you do not want to give carte-blanc selection to the parents. Just because the brides parents offer to pay for the reception does not mean that you have to agree to 200 of your relatives being invited especially the second cousins you have not even met.

It is important at the start of the financial contributions conversations that the couple explain what sort of wedding they envisage. Lets face it 200 of the bride’s rellies are not really what you want at a beach wedding. Say what you want up front and remember that wedding planning often brings out the worst in your relatives.

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If you have a limited budget you can still make your wedding budget stretch a long way. Consider renting a venue off season mid week. Limit your numbers, have an earlier dinner with less courses, have ipod music and get all of your friends and family involved in the decoration. As far as flowers think lots of one in season flower in your color scheme. Use mirrors on the tables to reflect the beauty of your centre piece. Use chair covers and saches to dress up your venue and give it that wow factor. If you get married at a french wedding castle you can have a friend officiate for you and marry you in front of your friends and family. In France you need to have a civil wedding first before you can have your religious ceremony or blessing. Most couples over come this by having a registry wedding in their home country and flying in to have their fairytale wedding castle.

Share your story or comments, we luv to hear what you have to say.    Scroll to bottom of page or click here to leave your comment.  I’m  looking forward to meeting you and hearing all about your wedding plans.  Don’t be shy…

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Cheers

DeDe Neill

Below is a good selection of proper wedding etiquette.  As you will see, there are some real bargains here, thats because some of these books are in the Bargain basement which means they could be used.   New versions are available , but it might not  be at the reduced price you might see listed here.

Wedding Etiquette for Divorced Families
Suggested Retail Price:….….$14.95
SAVE $2.47 ….Online store Price:…..$12.48
While approximately 35 percent of brides and grooms today are marching down the aisle for the second, third, or even fourth time, many traditional wedding etiquette books still treat divorce as an afterthought. Martha A. Woodham provides welcome relief for anxious marrieds-to-be with this thorough guide tastefully directs couples touched by divorce to the proper and gracious handling of the big event. Wedding Etiquette for Divorced Families covers everything from how to get all the names on the wedding invitation and arrange a harmonious seating plan to how to form a receiving line with four sets of parents and appropriate attire for everyone involved.

Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, 5e (Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette)
Suggested Retail Price: …$27.95
Online Store Price: $20.98 SAVE $6.97
The classic indispensable, comprehensive guide to creating the wedding of your dreams. Today’s weddings are more complicated than ever, with new traditions replacing old, and new relationships to consider as family life grows more complex. In this new edition, Peggy provides sensible solutions to wedding questions old and new, showing how to manage the big decisions and the little details with tact, consideration and confidence leaving you free to enjoy all of the happy times along the way! With new chapters on the groom’s involvement and incorporating today’s technology into your wedding plans, plus updates and expansions on destination weddings, samesex unions, wedding expenses, and more, the 5th edition answers every couple’s contemporary questions.

Wedding Etiquette Hell
Suggested Retail Price:….. $14.95
SAVE $8.47…..Online Store Price: $6.48
Covering such wedding staples as attendants, invitations, registries, showers, the ceremony, the reception, and thank yous, Etiquette guru Jeanne Hamilton will give numerous examples of bad etiquette that should be avoided at all costs,

Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette
Online Store Price:…..$10.48
A wedding is a minefield of social rules, for everyone from the bride and groom to the wedding party, the mothers, fathers and extended families. This comprehensive guide by one of the leading experts in the wedding category will help everyone involved.Providing the most up to date, current and socially important etiquette rules, this ultimate guide to the etiquette of weddings includes:–Sharing the good news of the engagement, wedding announcements and engagement parties–

The Little Giant Encyclopedia of Wedding Etiquette
Suggested Retail Price:..…..$9.95
SAVE $6.47…..Online Store Price:…..$3.98
As times change, so does the etiquette of walking down the aisle. But, armed with knowledge of the right way to do everything from talking to clergy to seating divorced parents, you can actually enjoy this day of days, and eliminate most of the stress. Laid out in full detail are all the ps and qs of a correct wedding. As an added bonus, there is a special section on wedding customs from around the world.

The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book
Suggested Retail Price:…..$9.95
Online Store Price: . $3.48 …..SAVE $6.47
Wedding Rites …. And Wrongs! Looking for up-to-date advice on today’s complicated wedding issues? Let The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book be your guide! This practical book offers all the answers to your most commonly asked etiquette questions, including: Can I asked my future in-laws to help pay for the reception? How can I include stepparents in the wedding? Do I have to invite dates for single guests? …And many more!

Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette
Suggested Retail Price: ….. $27.50
SAVE $24.02….. Online Store Price:      $3.98
Peggy Post, America’s etiquette authority, presents an indispensable, comprehensive guide to planning and personalizing your wedding. Today’s weddings are more complex than ever before, with new traditions and new family relationships to consider. This thoroughly revised fourth edition of the classic Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette addresses countless wedding questions both old and new. With the famous Post blend of sensitivity and practicality, Peggy Post shows how to handle the big decisions and the little details that will make your wedding beautiful to behold and uniquely yours — and how to carry it off with minimum stress and maximum style.

Ex-Etiquette for Weddings
Suggested Retail Price: …..$14.95
Online Store Price:              $12.98
Encore brides and couples with divorced parents will find helpful and suitable advice in this sophisticated, up-to-date wedding guide and etiquette primer. Jann Blackstone-Ford, a certified divorce and step family mediator, and Sharyl Jupe, her husbands first wife, know first hand how to make a blended family wedding a joyous affair. Together they take couples step-by-step through the wedding process, from the engagement to the planning stage, from the bridal shower to the wedding ceremony, and from the reception to the honeymoon or “familymoon.”

Simple Stunning Wedding Etiquette
Suggested Retail Price: ..….…$19.95
Online Store Price:         $14.98
What?s the preferred way of wording your invitation? How should guests at the wedding dinner be seated? What do you say to people who ask to bring their (uninvited) children to the reception?or, scarier still, to your prospective mother-in-law when she picks out the World?s Ugliest Dress to wear on your big day?Brides-to-be have a lot on their minds, including making sure that everything connected with the wedding is done the ?right way.? But nowadays few people are adequately schooled in the do?s and don?ts of proper etiquette?and that?s where Simple Stunning Wedding Etiquette comes to the desperately needed rescue.

The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Wedding Etiquette (Pocket Idiot’s Guides)
Online Store Price:           $9.48
The essential book of I do?s?and I don?ts. Savvy couples put a wedding etiquette book right next to their wedding planners to be sure they have all their bases covered. This is the ideal reference to choose?succinct, practical, and focused on the complete wedding experience, from invitations to gift registries to the reception. ? Follows in the successful footsteps of The Pocket Idiot?s Guide to Being a Groom, The Pocket Idiot?s Guide to Being the Father of the Bride, and The Pocket Idiot?s Guide to Being the Mother of the Bride ? Covers traditional weddings, second weddings, cross-cultural weddings, and civil unions ? Easy-to-use, portable format ? A great gift book for newlyweds-to-be

The New Book of Wedding Etiquette
Suggested Retail Price:...…$16.95
Online Store Price:       $4.48
Modern-Day Weddings with Grace and StyleWedding ceremonies are still about love and romance, a special moment that creates a beautiful and everlasting union. But not everything related to weddings stays the same over the years. Etiquette evolves, rules change. And who can keep up with all of today’s complicated family issues? With the help of this book, you can stay on top of it all and learn how to combine timeless wedding traditions with the latest trends and social styles. Inside, you’ll discover the secrets of having a beautiful, contemporary event full of fabulous elegance while at the same time satisfying the varied needs of friends and family. Included are etiquette tips and hints for every step of the planning process and answers to today’s trickiest wedding situations.

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